Hey you! BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
We live in a time where people don't show their struggles and glorify their Wins. Social media and the internet has given you a front row seat to everyone's fantasy life and bare portion of reality. Its important to know half of that ish isn't real and the other half is only fragments of the story. What i'm try to say is don't get caught up in that! Whether we like to admit it or not, everything we see on social media and our day to day weights on both our conscience and sub conscience.
The biggest issue I've ran into ,in life (mainly my career life), is viewing someones chapter 89809890 and comparing it to my chapter 3. How cruel of me to do that! Doing this only made me question myself to the point of slowing down my success. I basically would drive myself into thinking i'm less than who I am and then spend days building myself and my momentum back up. That's a dark cycle to put yourself through. Can anyone relate?
Recently I've been practicing self kindness. Before we go any further I do want to say me practicing self kindness does not mean I hated myself prior. It simply is me being gentle and lessening the blows I take when i'm at war with Raven. I'm shifting my mindset and stepping it up a notch in the self love department. In doing so, I've noticed some changes in life and Curvies, I love it. My standards have raised across the board, from work life to relationships. I view things in more positive and realistic point of view, and I don't let my loses or shortfalls define me. All these are major to me because I'm perfectionist and a hard-worker. I question myself a lot instead of celebrating my small wins that are leading toward my big one. That causes cloudy vision and bae-bay I need that to stop so I can have that grade A 2020 vision in this new year (corny lol i know ).
I'm still on my Journey of self kindness and all around improvement. I really want to share what has been working for me so we can take this journey together! So here's a few pointers:
Knowing Your Place
I now expect more from others because i'm the type of person who gives 110%. Normally, I would expect nothing in return, not even matched effort. I've always been a ride or die, ok! Me being kind to myself was noticing that I've been setting my self up for disappointment. So now in all my relationships, I ask myself who am I to this person? Then I think about if their actions or behavior towards me match that title. Based on that information I act accordingly. This has helped so much in my dating life as well. ( ya girl just started back dating or whatever * insert ratchet smacking noise* lol ) Knowing my place in others lives stop me from getting my big heart tied up in others and expecting more and or less from them based off actions.
2. Self Reflection
I call this one living in my moment/ feelings. Nothing teaches self kindness like emotions. I, along with many of you, grew up in the generation of not giving a flying F***. While that's all fine and dandy, that shit is hard for someone with a big heart and I happen to have one. I feel like a lot of us hide emotions just for one minor thing to happen to us negatively and boom! We're flooded with those same emotions all at once and now were on the train headed to FML land. So instead of ignoring these emotions, good and bad, I've been embracing them and reflecting. I'll tell someone i'm mad right now and need a minute rather than putting on a smile and suppressing those emotions and blowing up later. I celebrate my wins, no matter how small, to build momentum towards a bigger goal. I rest when my mental is all over the place and I can't think clearly. I live in those moments! I ask myself whats next and what do I want to do better and then state to myself what I've been doing well. I give plenty of F***s and if you make me feel a way I'll express it and i live in my moment.
3. Self Care
I love me! I take time out of my week to do something for me. Sometimes I take myself on a date even if its a quick meal with a glass of wine. I speak life into myself with affirmations and listen to sermons and motivation speeches. I take a second to enjoy time alone doing things that make me happy and put my phone on silent. Take a break from social media and the world. oh and if it's a nice sunny day and im driving, best believe the windows are down and the music is blasting because that makes me happy. I remember things that make me happy to be me! I reconnect with ME! Self care is mandatory no matter how small of task you make it into.
4. Don't Compare Yourself
As I said before don't compare your chapters in life to anyone else's. We all are so different and amazing in our own ways; it would be completely crazy to compare our paths/selves to anyone else. I learn a long time ago i'm not like most people. I think, view, and create differently from everyone else. I've lost so many years trying to fit into shoes that weren't mine to fill and i'm telling you that's the worst thing I could of possibly done to myself. Sure we learn from others paths but understand your journey is your journey. I went to a networking event and India Arie was one of the panelist. She advised that if there is anyone, on your social media feed, that makes you feel bad or that you have to compare your life to theirs, DELETE THEM! That honestly stuck with me because its not personal or hate, its you bettering yourself and monitoring what you feed your brain. I'm not saying delete Beyonce because she slays our entire lives. I'm saying delete that person you've been constantly referring back to and is keeping you from trying that new idea because you don't think it would work against their product or that's not the route they would take. If it puts you in a box, DELETE ALL THAT SHIT.
5.I'm Not Available
I'm no longer available for things that make me feel like shit! I don't care if it's and event, family gathering, or a night out with associates, if I know its going to put me in a negative space..... I ain't going. That's on PERIOD! lol I know I said i'm embracing emotions but that doesn't mean you keep subjecting yourself to a toxic energy that you have no control over. You change how you deal with people and situations by bowing out gracefully.
So be kind to yourself. Understand you win some and you lose some but either way you're going to be ok. Know that you are powerful and all the support you need as long as you speak life into yourself and shape your own perspective. Make these things a habit and watch it become a lifestyle. Be gentle with you self baby, you got this!